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I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.