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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.