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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.