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If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man