Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.