Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.