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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.