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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
My support group can outdrink your support group.
"Good for you!" means, "I do not consider you a threat" in woman-speak.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.