Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
I need new swear words.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.