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Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.