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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.