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facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Gun Control: Use both hands
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?