Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
My anger management class pisses me off
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.