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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.