Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Will be drunk until further notice.
I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.