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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.