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Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.