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If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
Home is where the alcohol is.