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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
A man is as faithful as his options
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.