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Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, I’m calling bullsh!t on an overweight baggage charge.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.