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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!