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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.