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Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
No. My hair magically got shorter.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.