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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.