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Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
I fake my LOLs
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
For once in my life, Iād like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.