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By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.