Daily Silly Status

If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.

A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...

If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.

Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...

if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed

You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.

I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"

If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.

No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?

I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.

I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.

You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!

I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside