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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!