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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.