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People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Life is fun! You should get one.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.