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Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.