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Weather forecast for tonight: dark
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.