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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!