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I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.