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No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?