Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.