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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."