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We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.