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I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal