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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.