Daily Silly Status

My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(

I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...

If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.

Do crabs think we walk sideways?

So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.

There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.

Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.

For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....

So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?

Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.

I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.

Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.

I just ran a .003048K

I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything