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Does this status update make me look fat?
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted