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I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
justin bieber
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.