Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?