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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.