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The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.