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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
That moment when being uncool, is cool