Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!