Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...