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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
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Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
life is too short to match socks
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.