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I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?