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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?