Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.