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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light