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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss