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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.