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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.