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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.