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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!