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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.