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I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.