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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…