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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.