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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Little to no thought was put into this status.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.