Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Falling out of bed the fun way. Oh wait, there isn`t a fun way....
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.