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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.