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Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.