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Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".